On Depression

I’ve tried to write an article like this myself but never seemed able to find the words. There are so many parts of this that resonate with me: the times when doing something completely ordinary and suddenly being overwhelmed by negative thoughts and feelings that have no explanation; being detached from people and events; and the strange passage of time, individual days seem to last forever but all of a sudden a month has gone.

Natalie Breuer

I’ve been trying to write something like this for a couple of years, but it has been difficult for me to find the right words. I am not sure if I have, even now, but I think it is important that I try.

When I was diagnosed with depression, it was late summer in California, and I was wearing an itchy skirt, sweating slightly in an air-conditioned doctor’s office. The psychiatrist asked me a bunch of questions, wrote a couple things down, and then called in a prescription to the pharmacy. “You’re depressed,” she told me. And despite everything, despite expecting to hear her say it and knowing that it was the truth, it still confused me to hear it out loud. “I’m what,” I said.

For weeks after, I could not shake the sense of alienation or the feeling that something was terribly wrong with me. When I was…

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6 thoughts on “On Depression

  1. “I have no money, no resources, no hopes. I am the happiest man alive.” – Henry Miller, “Tropic of Cancer.”

    Words to ponder, even if that’s not someone’s specific situation. I’ve been through some dark times, like everyone I suppose, but once you stop giving a shit, life improves immensely. Ignore society’s arbitrary standards; work on yourself, and let them wring their hands about whatever.

    People want to shove others into a one-size-fits-all happy hole, without realizing that everyone has their own version of happiness. Grab that version, even if everyone else is howling that it’s wrong. As long as you’re not hurting yourself or others, what’s the big deal? Why do people want everyone else to be carbon copies of them?

    OK, I’m going to stop now, before I go full Rant Mode. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • I try to live my life that way, I don’t fit in and have never wanted to, and I try not to care what others think, but it’s not always easy.
      I definitely agree with the notion of being left alone so long as you’re not hurting anyone, I’ve met too many people who couldn’t.


    • I have my eyes set somewhere between the horizon and the heavens as I keep moving forward. I’d rather look forward at what’s to come than at what’s been, but sometimes things pull me up short.


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